Our Covenant God: Living in the Security of His Unfailing Love by Arthur Kay

Author:Arthur, Kay [Arthur, Kay]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780307552587
Publisher: The Doubleday Religious Publishing Group
Published: 2009-05-27T00:00:00+00:00

1. 2 Corinthians 12:7.

2. 2 Corinthians 12:9.

3. 2 Corinthians 12:9.

4. 2 Corinthians 12:10.

5. 2 Corinthians 12:9.

6. 1 Corinthians 1:27.

7. 1 Corinthians 1:30; 3:22-23.

8. Ephesians 6:10.

9. Ephesians 5:15-16.

10. Mark 12:30.

11. Revelation 5:12.

15

BECAUSE I’M IN COVENANT WITH GOD …

I BELONG TO SOMEONE FOREVER

We need to be loved.

That’s what I wanted.

To be loved, whether I was

pretty

or ugly,

sick

or well,

in a good mood

or in a bad mood.

I wanted unconditional love.

And as I write these words and think about them, I realize that though this was what I wanted, I was unwilling to give it. After I left my first husband, he would call me and tell me he was going to kill himself. I would blithely respond, “Well, do a good job so I get your money!”

How incredibly cruel—and I wasn’t always cruel, really; even before I became a Christian, I had the heart of a nurse. My patients loved me because I loved them and loved winning them over with kindness. But my words to Tom were cruel. I didn’t mean them to be; I meant to “bluff” him out of any thoughts of suicide. Somewhere in my nurse’s training, I was taught that if people talked about suicide they weren’t serious about it—and you simply needed to call their bluff! Of course the thinking has changed now.

And so has mine! Having the mind of Christ through the gift of the Holy Spirit—and thus the ability to understand the Bible as 1 Corinthians 2:9-16 teaches—gives a person a whole new understanding. I know now that my words were lethal—murderous—for I was in essence saying, “Your life has no value. You won’t be missed. You don’t belong.”

James says the tongue is set on fire by hell and can change the course of a person’s life. Mine helped put the rope around Tom’s thirty-one-year-old neck.

I am sure he didn’t feel that he really belonged to anyone. I had left him, taking his two sons and moving far enough away that he couldn’t see them regularly. His mom and dad drank and quarreled a lot, and Tom hated that. He did have a sister who loved him. But apparently he didn’t think it mattered whether he lived or died—or maybe it was just too painful to live.

So he took a rope and cleverly tied it around the hall closet door in his apartment and hung himself. Tom was a perfectionist and always did things well. It grieves me to write about it, but I share it for the sake of others. I want others to learn from my mistakes.

Once Tom started to die, I am sure he changed his mind. He must have tried to get the rope off the door, and when he couldn’t, apparently he pounded and pounded, but no one came to his rescue. His hands were so black and blue, they looked like they were broken. His watch was smashed. And I know his heart was broken.

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